Cindy Gross presented Coaching for Race and Gender Equity as part of ICF International Coaching Week. Grounded in the Cherokee concept of Gadugi—working collectively toward a shared purpose—Cindy explored how coaches can actively disrupt racial and gender inequities. She discussed strategies for helping clients navigate inequitable systems, reducing unintentional harm, and creating lasting systemic change. By fostering psychological safety and inclusion, coaches can support underrepresented voices while challenging white supremacy and patriarchy in workplace dynamics.
Cindy Gross Featured on The Roller Coaster of Midlife with Lucie Q
Cindy Gross joined Lucie Q’s podcast, The Roller Coaster of Midlife, to discuss navigating career pivots, resilience, and embracing change in midlife. In the episode Midlife Pivots with Cindy Gross, she shared her journey—from overcoming workplace challenges to redefining success on her own terms.
Cindy explored themes of breaking gender stereotypes, setting boundaries, and transforming setbacks into opportunities. Her insights offer inspiration for those looking to reclaim their narrative and step into a more empowered chapter of their lives.
Listen in to gain practical strategies for navigating career and life transitions with confidence!
Cindy Gross Featured on Lisa’s Podcast: Grace, Grit, Getting it Done!
Cindy Gross joined Lisa Gillette’s podcast, Grace, Grit, Getting it Done! to discuss empowering women in tech and navigating workplace culture with confidence. In the episode Befriending Dragons: Empowering Women in Tech to Navigate Work Culture with Confidence, Cindy shared insights from her own career in tech and her work as a Women in Tech Leadership Coach.
She explored key strategies for setting boundaries, claiming opportunities, and owning one’s value in a male-dominated industry. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone looking to thrive professionally while fostering self-assurance and advocacy.
Catch the episode and gain practical insights into building a fulfilling and impactful career in tech with Cindy’s expert guidance!
August 2024: I harnessed my inner fire to influence the direction of the tech industry and of our country. I spoke at the Stronger Together: Black Women and Allies in Tech 4 Harris Virtual Summit. Wow – so many powerful folks speaking about our experiences working in tech, how our workplaces and careers are heavily influenced by who is in elected offices, and our dreams for the future! We cannot achieve true equity until we address the systemic barriers that Black women and other women of color face every day – in tech, in our culture generally, and in this presidential race. Why am I talking about politics when this newsletter is about leadership, the tech industry, and careers? Because tech will be more innovative, equitable, and FUN when we elect Kamala Harris. Read more about the impact from this call.
Here’s what I shared at the event (starting at 44:43 in the recording):
It’s an honor to be here today, standing alongside such a powerful community of Black women and allies in tech.
As someone who navigated the tech industry for over 25 years, I’ve seen firsthand the challenges and triumphs that come with being a woman in a male-dominated field. My journey has been shaped by the support and solidarity of communities like this one, and by the belief that together, we can create a more inclusive and equitable tech landscape.
Too many times I was the only woman in the room, and I can’t remember a time when another Native American person was in a work meeting with me. One time, full of excitement, I came to a team meeting and told my boss that I had two women candidates for our open position and his instinctive, immediate response was to tell me “we won’t lower the bar for them.” Picture that — he meant the bar was lowered to let ME in, right? But really nothing was lowered, because the bar is shaped like a white man, with irrelevant gates that exclude so many qualified people, or cut us deeply as we fight our way in. It was a stark reminder of the bias that persists in our industry – and in our elections. It was a turning point for me. I realized that my voice, and the voices of other marginalized individuals, needed to be amplified, we will no longer be silenced.
This experience fueled my passion to advocate for women and non-binary individuals in tech. It deepened my commitment to racial equity, because I understand that the fight for gender equality is intrinsically linked to the fight for racial justice. We cannot achieve true equity until we address the systemic barriers that Black women and other women of color face every day– in tech, in our culture generally, and in this presidential race.
Today, we have an opportunity to make a significant impact. Vice President Kamala Harris has been a steadfast advocate for equity and justice. Her leadership and policies reflect the values we hold dear – values of justice, equity, and belonging, and the belief that everyone deserves a decision-making seat at the table. And to continue this work, HARRIS needs our support.
So many techies have six-figure salaries – I urge each of you to dig deep into your pockets with that in mind and contribute to her campaign. Yes, money is tight for everyone AND often tech rewards us far better than it does people in other industries. Your contributions help ensure that we have leaders who understand the importance of equitable tech policies and who are committed to driving systemic change. Donate, vote, and talk to at least 3people about registering to vote plus a plan on how they will turn in their vote.
Together, we can build a tech industry that not only welcomes but celebrates diversity. WE can create environments where everyone, regardless of their race or gender, can thrive. Let’s stand strong, support Kamala Harris, and continue to push for the inclusive and equitable future we all deserve.
Cindy Gross was a speaker at InspireHER: Elevate Your Entrepreneurial Journey, where she shared insights on inclusive leadership and fostering a workplace culture of belonging and psychological safety. Her approach goes beyond surface-level DEI efforts, helping organizations embed inclusion into their core values. If you’re looking to understand Cindy’s perspective and expertise as a leadership coach, this past event is a great opportunity to listen in and learn more.
It’s becoming common to have “land acknowledgements” at justice focused gatherings. This is a way to recognize and respect Native peoples and their relationship with the land we colonizers stole from them. It also strengthens everyone’s relationship to nature, the lands we occupy, and the communities our dominant cultures often never take the time to see. Sometimes a land acknowledgement is simply asking people to name the traditional territory they reside on as part of their introduction, and sometimes it’s one person bringing a deeper discussion to the gathering. I delivered this land acknowledgement February 12, 2021 to a SheEO gathering. SheEO is a radically generous community supporting women + non-binary people working on the World’s To-Do List. It is an uplifting community for women + non-binary folks starting a social impact business and for anyone who supports social impact businesses through advice, caring, sponsorship, and funding.
Thank you for taking part in today’s land acknowledgement. I encourage those unfamiliar with the practice to learn more about why it is so important and incorporate it into your own communities. I encourage you to use one of the land maps such as https://native-land.ca/ to find what land you occupy, then visit those nations’ sites to get their thoughts on land acknowledgements and how we help each other thrive.
I am Cindy Gross. I reside in Issaquah, WA outside Seattle in the US – the stolen lands of the Duwamish and Coast Salish.
We, I, still benefit from institutions, including governments and schools, built on land stolen from indigenous folk, built with the labor of Black people ripped from their own indigenous homelands.
I am a descendant of both the colonizers and those they tried to destroy – the Lenape, now known as the Delaware, who greeted tired, starving travelers on America’s east coast, and welcomed them to this continent. Our society still suffers from the suppression of the matrilineal cultures of so many indigenous tribes, and we will grow and thrive when we reclaim more of those community focused traits we’ve coded as too feminine and therefore not valuable.
I am descended from the Lenape peoples, and I am a citizen of two Native nations. I know my legally defined blood quantum, but that doesn’t tell me which parts of my DNA are typically found in any specific Native population. DNA does not, cannot, indicate race, cultural connection, or citizenship. My tribal citizenship also doesn’t confer automatic cultural connections – I have few cultural touchstones with own my Native nations. It’s a complex situation – citizenship, DNA, lineage, and cultural connection are all distinct and often inappropriately mixed ways to talk about who is Native. The terms Native, or indigenous, or Indian are also problematic. If you know someone or are talking to or about someone who identifies as Native, use their terminology and where possible their specific Native affiliation.
Remember that native people are still here, still suffering from systemic oppression, and still loving, laughing, and thriving. Choose to honor them, don’t appropriate from them. Live by the idea of “Inspired Natives, not inspired by Natives.” Research when and where it’s appropriate for someone not a citizen of a given Native nation or tribe to use, buy, or wear Native items and imagery. My earrings today for example are made by Lakota artists and sold to support an Indian school. Honor the people behind the items and images you do use. Support Native owned and Native led businesses, community groups, and organizations such as the Navajo Water Project.
Thank you for pausing to SEE and LISTEN TO the Native folks around us.
My land acknowledgement is personal and action oriented. It acknowledges the past, sees Native peoples in the present, and envisions a more equitable future. Native peoples are still here. They are multi-dimensional, complex humans existing in countries that are often openly hostile to their existence as individuals and sovereign nations. This acknowledgement is specific and models good anti-racism practices. Where it was available and clear I used the language preferred by the people I refer to, even where it was inconsistent throughout my story. The bolded line above can be used as part of your introduction to any group – simple and straight-forward. Practice adding land acknowledgements and broaden what you know about Indigenous folks around you.
When should white people quote Martin Luther King, Jr.?
I’ve heard many Black anti-racism advocates say the answer is somewhere between when we deeply understand how to not whitewash his quotes and never, ever, ever. So for any white folks reading this, here’s why we should follow this very reasonable request:
Believe Black people when they tell us we’re harming them.
White people tend to remember, love, and quote the words that let us feel comfortable, safe, and good about ourselves. We can do better and step into discomfort. Stop being performative allies. Move into taking actions that follow the lead of Black people, without forcing them into unwanted or underpaid work, while we white people do the hard work of dismantling the white supremacy we benefit from.
Based on polls at the time, an overwhelming majority of white people absolutely hated MLK – until he was assassinated. Stop taking advantage of our distance from his resistance to whitewash his efforts, to undermine people fighting for justice today. Support Black people however they resist the white supremacy waters we swim in.
There are so, so, so many Black folks out there worth quoting – put some effort into it and learn more about them. We, white people as a whole, are really lazy about learning anything beyond the incredibly whitewashed, male gaze, often totally WRONG history we learned in K-12.
I know, you want to REMEMBER MLK. By not quoting him people will forget about him. Bullshit. We’re not remembering the whole person, the resistance fighter, the dad, the husband in the way we, white people, quote him now. We’re erasing him and his legacy every time we whitewash his words and twist his message. We’re ignoring all the other Black folks who fought alongside him, all the Black folks who chose, who choose, to fight differently. We’re forgetting them and undermining their efforts. We can be better. Do the work. Listen to Black people. Follow their lead without exhausting them or giving them all the risk. Compensate them for the work they do. Yep, it’s hard. That’s what white supremacy does, it creates friction and rough edges and choppy waters. We as white people need to step into those choppy waters and build our anti-racism muscles, take up our share of the burden of changing the course of the white supremacy river.
White people have no excuse for saying “I didn’t know” or “I didn’t realize how bad it is” or “This isn’t The American Way.” We choose not to know. We choose to ignore the Black people who have been telling us they are harmed. It’s on us to listen, to stop making Black people perform their pain for us over and over. Accept that white supremacy pervades EVERYTHING and step up to create change within your scope of control. I guarantee you there are things happening at your neighborhood school, your place of worship, your workplace, and your community or hobby groups that uphold white supremacy. I guarantee you there are things you can do, quietly and with no reward or fanfare, which will chip away at that. White supremacy is EVERYWHERE so take any common practice and ask yourself HOW it upholds white supremacy. Ask that same question to get to deeper levels at least 5 times. Validate with Black people, without asking for their free labor or emotional energy, that what you want to do is useful. There are research papers and books and blog posts and YouTube videos of Black people telling you what they need in whatever scope of control you have. Quite possibly there’s an underfunded group or individual already doing that work – give them your money, your resources, your time, the clout that comes with your white privilege. Listen to them and do something about it.
“…there’s no one way for Black people to combat racism.”
“White people love to pull the same three MLK quotes out of their ass to try to silence Black people when they are feeling uncomfortable and you are whitewashing MLK’s message and taking his quote completely out of f*cking context to try to serve your purpose.”
“He did not like you guys.”
“Martin Luther King is dead. He is not here today because white people did not like him. Because white people use the exact same logic that they use today, on Martin Luther King. Y’all literally assassinated this man.”
“So do not come back today in 2017 and pretend like you were so supportive of Martin Luther King and that all of these ideologies were so great, was so wonderful, and that’s the right way to do things when ‘the right way to do things’ literally got him murdered.”
For them, he is the standard-bearer for resistance while negotiating the minefield of white sensibilities. In the rewriting of history, King has been fashioned into an apologetic freedom fighter who carefully sidestepped white ire while pointing out inequality. They have cunningly backdated their admiration for King and the civil rights movement to prove that they have always stood on the side of justice.
It is bullshit.”
“King explicitly stated: “He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.””
“…because white people are who they are, they’ve decided to create their own version of that legacy. The white people version of MLK is the one we get in our history books and social studies lessons. But now there’s no longer an excuse to pretend to not know what he was truly saying.”
“Systemic racism is as American as apple pie, and Dr. King knew that. He spent much of his time trying to warn Black people on the true nature of not only this country, but the people with power.”
“…they’re so sure they know his beliefs that they’re actually arguing with his children on Twitter. Can you imagine telling someone’s children that they’re wrong about their parents’ beliefs? The caucasity of the internet is wild sometimes, but here we are.”
“White people, until you sit with all of MLK’s words, really sit with them, don’t you dare try and say you know what he meant. Or what actions he would approve (or disapprove) of. He was a man who wanted unity and peace, yes, but he also knew it comes at a cost, and that you’d need to f*ck shit up first to make any progress. If he was still alive, he’d be out there in the streets, marching with us. And don’t you forget it.”
Last week @VeniKunche tweeted asking for “remote work” tips for managers. I immediately replied with a whole string of tips that reduce bias. Veni said, hey, blog that. And I thought, sure, that’s easy. And yet here it is, days later, and I hadn’t written much more than a paragraph until I accepted Amy Cuddy’s invite to Quarantine Writing Hour. I can literally feel the anxiety sitting in my chest, aching. Folks, this is what it’s like to work during a crisis, personal or global. It’s not because I’m remote, it’s not because no one is watching over my shoulder with an eye to punish lowered productivity. It’s because we’re stressed, we’re worried about family and friends and the future of the world, we are fidgety, we miss our community, we are overwhelmed. Luckily I’m not feeling sick, but many are and without sufficient testing we don’t know who actually has COVID-19.
Some of us have done remote work for a while, some are completely new to the experience. As the need to maintain “social distance” grows with the spread of COVID-19 there are fountains of advice on the practical aspects of how to work remotely. But what about the social justice and leadership aspects? How do we keep bias and bullying from creeping into every aspect of working remotely? How does this impact various folks differently? How do we take advantage of this social disruption to drive positive changes into our workplace, changes that could linger long after the novel Coronavirus is under control?
The reasons it took me so long to write this story are the same reasons we can’t expect high productivity out of people working from home right now. It’s not the working from home part. It’s the stress of working in an unfamiliar environment, underprepared, while we’re worried about everything. Many folks have unfamiliar, inadequate equipment in a home where they may also be caregivers for other stressed out folks. There may not be enough devices, internet bandwidth, or “included” data for everyone to work and learn at once. We may not have physical or emotional safety.
Kindness
“You can be rich in spirit, kindness, love and all those things that you can’t put a dollar sign on.” — Dolly Parton
Change causes stress. Even when we’re able to use stress to push us forward, it can still negatively impact our lives. So prioritize kindness over niceness and politeness.
Center the folks most marginalized on your team, and do all you can to uplift them even if means making other folks uncomfortable when you point out bias. Don’t tolerate COVID-19 jokes, insensitive comments that trivialize the danger to the most marginalized, or point blame at Asian people. Practice now how you will reply to anyone making ableist, racist, or sexist comments.
Where’s the bias?
“The defining question is whether the discrimination is creating equity or inequity. If discrimination is creating equity, then it is antiracist. If discrimination is creating inequity, then it is racist.” — Ibram X. Kendi, How to Be an Antiracist
Well, women and people of color are much more likely to be caregiving than white men are, and that takes time and energy. We’re crowded into unfamiliar situations where we have to navigate all sorts of family dynamics that we’re not used to, and typically that will fall mostly to one person, using up their already limited energy. As somebody living alone with my cats, I’m also going through this chaos because I’m fielding calls and messages from friends and family with problems they need help with, things I may or may not be able to help them with. I get really stressed when I can’t help people who need me! I’m constantly bombarded with news snippets and feeling compelled to dig deeper, because my curiosity is always in the forefront of my actions and there’s so much new, vital, literally life or death information ALL THE TIME. That makes us less productive – don’t penalize that right now!
Women, especially BIPOC, are more likely to be cooped up for days on end with an abuser, to have lower savings (hey, pay gap!), to be expected to deal with everyone else’s stress, to rely on a community that is now less available, and all those other inequities we’ve been talking about and doing so little to actual address.
When we’re stressed or short on time we fall back on deeply embedded patterns, and that means we rely more on stereotypes and bias. We have to be very intentional to pay attention to this and compensate for the bias that will ALWAYS creep in.
The Tweets aka the Advice
I’m going to make this ultra-simple on myself, I’m going to paste below my replies to Veni’s tweet. I welcome comments and questions.
The manager should set the tone by remaining connected without hovering. Offer to remove roadblocks, be patient, let folks have uninterrupted time to focus on work. Recognize many of these folks have no choice but to also caregive during the work day.
Some of your employees are going to spend a whole lot of time in enforced close proximity to their abuser. Some are the abuser, perhaps triggered by stress and frustration. Be kind.
Not everyone has enough bandwidth, may face a datacap. They may not have great, fast devices at home, may have to share one pc. They may have many folks in the house streaming classes, meetings, large files. Keep your emails and optional files simple & small.
Folks react differently to isolation. Offer but don’t force virtual coffees, open “water cooler” zoom calls where people can come & go, gracious space questions for folks to reflect on how they are creating success in chaos with a focus on finding the ways they are doing great.
Put on your anti-bias hat. Don’t over-reward the folks who over deliver during this time. They will be disproportionately white men because that’s how our white patriarchy is set up. Statistically men have more flexible schedules & fewer child/elder care duties.
All sorts of biases will be exaggerated as everyone is under pressure, managers have to be extra careful to be great allies. Ppl who aren’t white may not always code switch at home the way they do at work. You may see more of their authentic self – reward this, don’t punish it.
Remember at review/reward/promo time that this virus has disrupted the year. Highlight & reward folks who build strong relationships, strong containers, strong stakeholder outreach. A lot of “soft skills” that ppl who aren’t white men have to develop to survive can be showcased.
Change is everywhere right now, fill the cracks with anti-bias. This is hard work, but may actually be easier since disruption is already on full swing. Rebuild with anti-bullying and anti-bias.
Managers, now is the time to bring in folks like Veni or me or any of the myriad of anti-bias, pro-belonging, pro-DEI folks to take hold of this disruption in work life and come out the other side stronger. #BefriendingDragons
And some tweets from other threads
Now is a perfect time to let go of your need for the purity of perfection. https://t.co/X2dlloSYWk
I've been gradually more productive as I continue my detox from corporate tech. Until now. I'm back to total inability to focus, make decisions, and get started on anything. Stress is real y'all, don't penalize your employees who are stressed and exhausted. Health > productivity
Be kind. Center the most marginalized over the most powerful. Be anti-bullying, anti-harassment, anti-racist, & anti-sexist.
Going forward, allow more folks to work from home regularly without penalty. This disproportionately helps folks with disabilities and those who are caregivers. It builds trust and refocuses everyone on the work. It’s good business, good for your employees, and good for the environment.
Look for the helpers – Fred Rogers
Pledge to really work hard to address the bias head-on in your next round of reviews and/or rewards. Don’t reward productivity in and of itself. Reward those who help others through this, who build and nurture relationships, who reduce other people’s stress and tension. Those people are the true leaders.
Want receipts on these bias factors? Search on terms like:
In the mornings I search my closet to find the perfect outfit that shows I’m technical enough, I’m smart enough, I fit in. One day I wear a skirt, and my manager can’t seem to process it, I have gone outside his expectations. He flips to the script of “this is a woman, not a skilled computer expert who knows more about her area of expertise than almost anyone else in the world.” He can’t hold “woman” and “good at technical stuff” in his brain at the same time. His obviously confused comments about how nice I look deflate me all day, and that’s the last time I wear a skirt to work. Another day my manager comments that it’s great that I’ve brought some women candidates to interview for the open position on our team, but that we won’t lower the bar for them. As if the bar isn’t already shaped like a white man, with false proxies that exclude so many qualified people. When he finds out a coworker made disgusting, sexually explicit comments to me I overhear him say to a coworker that the bully can’t be blamed since he thought I had picked up the coworker I was walking with in a nearby bar. I move to a team that rarely interacts with customers, a team where I have no chance of encountering my old teammates. They have much more of an casual clothing vibe. When I wear my existing wardrobe, clothes from boutique stores, I get puzzled comments asking where am I going after work, is it someplace fancy? One of the few other women on the team comes over to tell me she’s glad I continue to dress up because it makes her feel less out of place when she wears similar clothes. What I think is “Why can’t I ever get it, ME, right?” Why can’t I fit in? Why are my dragon scales always too shiny or not shiny enough? Why is my roar always silenced? When did I lose my voice, when did I start spending so much emotional energy to walk a fine line between likable and competent? When did I give in to the bullies?
It was years before I realized my path to belonging & success became very narrow when I reported the worst bully, a sexual harasser, to my manager. The manager talked me out of reporting to HR. He encouraged me to silence myself, to keep quiet, all to keep my chance at a promotion. What I heard is that my voice doesn’t matter, or even worse my voice is destructive to my career. I didn’t realize then that my chance at a promotion was gone the moment I spoke up about the harasser, the bully, even in the privacy of one sympathetic person’s office. It was clear the so-called “brilliant jerk” who harassed me was just too valuable to the team, and I was not valuable enough. Instead of insisting I was as valuable, actually even more valuable because I wasn’t a bully, I took my dragon roar and internalized it as a silent scream. I looked around at the sea of men I worked with and saw what others thought tech looked like – not me. I tried to muffle my inner shrieks and focus on creating success by changing myself, ignoring my own brilliance and aptitude for the job. I just knew if I could make myself even more “one of the guys,” if I could suppress the “bad” aspects of my femininity, I could “win.” I could manage my way out of this by tightly controlling everything – myself, my voice, my manager, my coworkers, how much of myself I shared with my boyfriend. Only I couldn’t. I didn’t. The more I silenced myself, the more I changed my dragon roar into a silent scream, the more I lost myself.
I imagined myself as a solitary dragon, alone in my safe cave. As long as I kept people at a distance I could survive. I never even considered that I deserved to thrive instead. I nursed my internal wounds, mostly by minimizing and ignoring them. I imagined my loneliness as peaceful solitude. I hoarded my energy, my thoughts, my feelings. I told myself I was in control, I was exercising my power. I shape-shifted into a shadow of myself, a caricature. I closed all the gates around me to keep the bad things away, ignoring that I also kept the good things away. Like so many trauma victims, I internalized the bully’s actions as partially my own fault. I thought I could, must, change myself to avoid future bullies.
But that’s not the way the world works. Instead of looking at myself as a scary dragon, I can choose to see myself as a free agent in the world, a friendly dragon who can fly where I want, when I want, how I want. I know there’s the reality of the white patriarchy, a system that builds success bars shaped like a narrow subset of cishet white men. Because of my own privileges as a white-presenting woman with one parent who graduated from college, because of the perseverance and grit and pure luck that let me slide through the edges of the white patriarchy and accumulate some wealth, I have the freedom to put myself in another part of the world, a part where I can thrive. My dragon scales are just fine the way they are, and I choose how much, what kind of, light to shine on them, on myself. I can befriend this bully culture dragon, I can stop internalizing it and stop trying to fix myself. I can make my experience a friendly dragon. That jerk who bullied me, who was found guilty of sexually harassing me when I finally reported him to HR, doesn’t define me. I don’t have to change myself, I don’t have to become invisible and silent to people like him and the people who excuse his behavior. He behaved very badly, he committed verbal violence. The system at work tried to find the balance of action so that neither of us would sue or speak out too much. But they misjudged. I did speak out. I reclaimed my voice. I started to speak out about my experience, at first quietly in small groups. Then from a stage. Then directly to my new team. Then loudly for the world to hear. I left Microsoft without signing their confidentiality agreement, without letting them steal my voice once again in return for a few month’s pay.
I reclaimed my roar and
ended my internal screaming. I befriended that dragon. I reclaimed my voice and
my feminine side. I belong because I decide what that means for me. I choose to
step away from patriarchy, the quest for perfection, whiteness, hierarchy, and
conformity. I choose thrival, self-care, and relationship-based work.
I see myself as a beautiful, free, contradictory, powerful, wise, and confident dragon with a loud roar. I am ready to take on the world, to speak truth to power. I create my own path. I journey with women, we reclaim our voices, we move on to new, bigger lives after a bully tries to make us small. We nurture new paths, new cultures, new open gates where we can be ourselves, create success, and generate a sense of belonging in our cultures. We ROAR!
